The white patch on the black cat

Hyacinth: [on the telephone] Hello, is that the Wholesome Bakery?
Hyacinth: Now tell me, and I shall know if you’re lying, are your fresh cream cakes really fresh?
Hyacinth: No need to take that attitude; this is a serious customer inquiry. My name is Bouquet, B-U-C-K-E-T. No, it’s not Bucket, it’s Bouquet. I wish to place a large order, a very important order. I have the new vicar calling this afternoon for tea and light refreshments, so how soon can you deliver?
Hyacinth: Yes, I know it’s Saturday, and I’m very happy that you’re busy. I can understand that you don’t deliver just anywhere, but as I say I do have the new vicar coming for tea and light refreshments, and I want six fresh cream cakes.
Hyacinth: That is a large order.
Hyacinth: Hello? Hello?
[clicks the cradle several times]

"Is it of a severity necessary to cancel my candlelight supper?"

—Hyacinth Bucket, Keeping Up Appearances (via verticalbarmatt)

Keeping Up Appearances 2x1 (“The Strange Man”)

Richard: I can’t just go out there and stare at Elizabeth’s house!

Hyacinth: No, of course you mustn’t stare, dear, we’re not ones to pry! Now, I shall pretend to see you off to work. You will turn and wave, as you normally do.

Richard: Do I normally turn and wave?

Hyacinth: You will turn and wave, Richard! This will give an opportunity to cast your eye over Elizabeth’s house.

Richard: Well, what if I don’t see it?

Hyacinth: Then you will pretend that you have forgotten something and you will return to the house. And then we’ll do it all over again!

(via fyeah-keeping-up-appearances)

"When you have to pick between Angel Gabriel Blue and Lucifer Gray, you need spiritual advising! I had to have the vicar’s confirmation that this IS Angel Gabriel Blue!"

—Hyacinth “Bouquet” buys a new fitted kitchen

"Listen Daisy, tell Onslow to put a shirt on when I’m on the telephone. I can always sense him there, expanding."

—Hyacinth Bucket [Bouquet], Keeping Up Appearances

We Are Only Mammals

Hyacinth: You'd think that evolution would have made our unfortunate body functions more civilized.
Richard: We are only mammals, after all.
Hyacinth: What a thing to say to someone with a silvery self-cleaning sauce separator!

"Look Daisy. When I promised to love, honour and obey, I didn’t necessarily mean every Tuesday!"

—Onslow on Keeping Up Appearances